A Desperate Measure
by Ionai
Summary: [One Shot][Crack Pairing]DemyxLeon Mere moments before the heartless battle in the Great Maw, Demyx is assigned to delay one of the warriors from the fray.


**Demyx's Desperate Measure**

by Ionai

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I can't believe it, but I was inspired to write... a crack pairing. May God smite or spank my blasphemous bum!

This craptastic fic is kinda weird for me because a) it's the first time I've finished a slash story, and it's not even a pairing I've ever thought of before writing this b) I really hate the way it's written, but it still makes me laugh and c) the plot is so thin and full of holes that Switzerland could sue me for copyright infringement.

Anyway, I hope you get a bit of a kick out of it, even though it's only a little funny, not really that smutty, and Leon's characterized OOC and a little like the beginning of FF8 (a.k.a. "Stick? Meet Mr. Ass! Oh dear god, too friendly, TOO friendly!")

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Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.

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The streets of Hallow Bastion's residential boroughs were in complete chaos. People ran in terror, rushing to find a door that would open, a place that would protect them from their pursuers. Heartless flooded onto the scene, creatures of many different forms, but one thing they shared were the haunted yellow eyes eagerly seeking out their prey. Away from the terror filled streets, both mentally and physically removed, was a mysteriously enshrouded figure, his face hidden by his black hood. He sat high above the scene, almost oblivious to the cries and screams of the town's people. 

"Distract the subject from his objective by any means necessary without engaging him in combat," he mumbled despondently, reading off a two by four inch cue card. He heaved a heavy sigh, slumping over in his crouched position on top of a red tiled roof. The town's people, rushing around in blind panic, did not spare a glance at the cloaked figure beside a resident's chimney.

The figure flicked back his hood to reveal a mussed mullet of gravity defying blond hair and a set of stressed blue eyes. Demyx frowned down on the screaming town's folk, before returning to his wrinkled piece of paper with some anxiety. "What the heck am I supposed to do?"

He tapped the side of his head in an anxious rhythm. He had to think of a plan quick before it was too late and the target reached the Great Maw ahead of schedule. Below him, a spear handed heartless jumped a woman, her screams quickly drowned in the chaos. A small girl leaped forward and dispatched it with a giant shuriken,her attack missing the victim by inches .

Demyx quirked a brow and lifted a hand to wave emphatically in the air. "But hey," he said with forced enthusiasm, "at least they don't expect me to fight him!"

He held the awkward smile, opening a portal around him, and decided to go with his really stupid (and only) plan. "Yeah...good thing...there mighta been a chance of living through this assignment." He laughed uncomfortably as he trudged into the darkness toward another part of Hallow Bastion.

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Dozens of dark creatures fell before the stoic man guarding the gates of the Bailey. Heartless ichor dripped from his gunblade, the goo disappearing into black mist as the creature released its captive heart. Leon sliced to his right to rend through another heartless, swinging with his momentum in a circle to destroy a series of the heartless trying to surround him. These creature's were trying to hold him back, and he had to reach Villain's Vale where the real battle was. These stragglers were not the real threat, and one of the Hallow Bastion Restoration committee would be along to guard the gates shortly. He lifted his blade and run forward toward a tight knit group of steel wielding heartless, leaped and swung in a wide arch, pulled the trigger of his gunblade with a satisfying blast. The heartless fell instantly to the ground, dissipating back into darkness, and clearing his path. He took a calming breath and wiped back the hair covering his eyes. He barely sensed a presence before heard it from behind him.

"Hey that was really cool! What you did there, with the big "swoosh, kaboom!" slice thing, I mean." Leon turned sharply to search for the owner of the light toned, excited voice, instead finding a mysterious dark portal. The swirling dark vortex crackled and released a small swaggering cloaked figure. Their hood was pulled back to reveal a strange blond man with a menacing smile. The portal closed with another crackle, and the stranger stumbled forward clumsily, wincing and cursing under his breath before he straighted up and flashed the gunblade wielder a big grin. Leon adjusted the grip on his gunblade.

"Who are you supposed to be," he said warily. The black enshrouded man stood up even taller, a hand resting on his hip as his eyebrows furrowed to rival Leon's (if not his glare). "That's no way to talk to someone you just met," he said huffily. He waved a hand airily above his head and lifted his eyes upward with a small, self suffering sigh. "You could start with a 'Hello, how'dju do', or at the least a 'gee, thanks for pointing out the heartless behind me, kind stranger'," he finished with a demonstrative pointing finger towards Leon.

Leon had the time to widen his eyes before he felt claws slashing into his back, throwing him to the Bailey's stone ground. He swiveled mid fall, landing painfully on the fresh injury, and brought his gunblade up to parry the creature's second slash. He pulled his arm back for an awkward upstroke to remove the creature, when a blast of icy blue water cascaded over his head and flung the creature off his chest. With its continued momentum, the heartless went over the ledge of the crumbling Bailey wall.

Leon wasted no time in standing up, using his gunblade for leverage. A shrug of his shoulders proved the Heartless's back attack to be a shallow cut, quickly clotted by his jacket. He looked to the blond to see him with a single glove raised, a wide eyed look on his face, as if the sight of his attack working turned him to stone. A drop of water fell from his raised glove and hit the floor with an eerily loud splatter. "I actually hit it," the blond said under his breath. He noticed Leon's suspicious gaze and cleared his throat, taking a broad confident stance. "Uh, you're welcome, y'know!" Demyx flashed an infectious grin at him, but Leon was expectedly immune to that disease. Instead, his eyes narrowed.

The sound of the distant battle reached Leon's ears. "I don't have time for this," he muttered, and turned toward the path that would lead him down to Villain's Vale. This abrupt action broke Demyx's false bravado, and set him into a state of agitation. He looked at Leon's back in dismay.

" He-hey! Wait! Don't, you can't, you gotta-" he dropped his forgotten protests and rushed after the departing gunblade wielder. Leon shot him a quick glare, but perceiving him as little threat, he broke into a run.

Knowing he could not keep up with the other man's superior speed for long, Demyx quickly decided to copy a belated heartless by attacking from behind. It was more of a tackle than an attack, and less of a 'behind' than from somewhere on Leon's left. Demyx was still success in slammed the brunette full against the wall without being sliced to ribbons by a gunblade.

'Yet...'

Demyx looked up into a set of furious gray-blue eyes. He gulped, and opened and closed his mouth, at a complete loss for words. Terror could describe his urge to run very far away from the taller, stronger warrior he had 'pinned' (to describe it loosely) against the cold stone wall. He felt more than heard Leon growl, "You have two seconds to give me a reason not the throw you off the cliff."

Demyx was not a brave man in life, and he was less of one as a nobody. The only thing preventing him from fleeing faster than he could blink was the mental image of what the superior would do to him - no, what the superior would order Saix to do to him if he failed. There was a quick blur in his mind of 'Uh, uh, no fighting, can't tie him up, talking's a no go (like talking to a moldy sponge or to Roxas), gotta...gotta...still have to distract for a few more minutes!.." His panic rose when he felt Leon make to move, easily pushing away from the wall despite Demyx's full weight holding him.

With fear-driven frenetic energy, Demyx relaunched himself upon the taller man. Leon's back hit the wall sharply once again, and he could almost feel his shallow wound reopen, but he was distracted by the cool lips pressing fiercely against his own. Thin arms awkwardly held his own against his sides, his gunblade hanging lifelessly from his right hand despite the weak resistance.

Leon's mind blanked.

Demyx pressed his body fully against the gunblade specialist, one hand winding into wild brown locks to keep their lips locked. He nibbled and sucked at frozen lips, teasing a full bottom lip between his teeth before lightly licking it. He was nowhere near brave enough to stick his tongue into this scary guy's mouth. He'd definitely lose it.

The blond's own eyes flickered as he slowly kissed the corner of the permanently frowning mouth, a daring knee lifting past a zippered black cloak to teasingly press up in between Leon's leather clad legs. That got a reaction from the stone-like brunette.

The blond was skidding backwards across the Bailey before he even felt Leon's punch. His hand flew to his quickly swelling cheek. Previous bravery left him, but he felt his mission complete well over the requirements. Not bothering to stand, he looked up at Leon and grinned nervously but a bit naughtily. "Ow, no manners at all," he said with a fake whine. He gave a half shrug and a dark swirling portal surrounded him. The blond winked. "Oh well, it's okay. Toodles!" Still holding his face he wiggled his fingers in a wave at Leon, causing the fuming man to stare at him in disbelief.

The darkness swallowed Demyx completely and left the Bailey empty except for Leon.

The usually stoic man stared in complete bewilderment at the spot the stranger disappeared from, his right hand still curled into a fist. With slow deliberate movements, he reached down to pick up his abandoned weapon. He ran his other hand through his hair before pinching the bridge of his nose. Blinking slowly, he took a deep, agitated breath. He swung his gunblade once to loosed his arm again and set off for the battle at full speed. He spared one last thought for the encounter right before he sunk his blade into the first of many enemies.

'The bastard had the nerve to grope my ass.'

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Thanks for reading, please leave a hot pile of stinking review flames if you like. Also, I love harsh critiques, even when I write goofy crap like this. (I'm a toughie, I can take it, grrrr!) 


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